Three's supposed to be company, but it's perfect for us
by quixoticEntity
Summary: Being in a relationship with two people isn't the easiest thing to do. Especially when those two people are constantly at each other's throats. Hopefully, Dipper can solve their problems, with some help from the perfect matchmaker, his sister, Mabel.
1. Chapter 1

Dipper sighed as Bill sauntered through the door to the Mystery Shack.

"Hey, Pine Tree! How's my favorite meat sack doing?" Bill said, leaning on the counter, blocking angry customers who wanted to leave the obnoxious tourist trap.

"Bill, what did I say about bugging me at work?" Dipper said, annoyed.

"Bill Cipher!" a higher pitched, yet familiar voice yelled.

Dipper buried his head in his hands, "Oh no."

Bill rolled his eyes, "C'mon kid, we've been over this."

Gideon stormed up to him, "Bill! It's _my_ turn to have him! You can't just waltz in here and take some of Dipper's precious time when it's _my_ turn!"

Bill smiled, "Work time doesn't count, kid, says so in the contract," Bill snapped, causing a contract to appear in magic blue flames. The crowd oohed at the sight, thinking it was a magic trick, and put money in the tip jar. Bill's smile widened, all those tips went to Dipper, and he knew the college student would need them.

Gideon scowled, there it was, a clause stating that, indeed, the time when Dipper was working was basically a free-for-all, "I'll get you next time, Cipher." He whispered, backing into the dark corner of the Mystery Shack.

Bill laughed, "Gideon didn't realize he could stay, did he?" He turned to Dipper, who was trying to fade into the background, "what? Don't like me, Pine Tree? We both know that's not true!"

"Bill, just let me work! I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" Dipper replied, exasperated.

"C'mon, not even a goodbye kiss?" Bill said, turning to face Dipper.

Dipper sighed, "Fine," he quickly pecked the taller one's cheek, "now shoo."

Bill stuck out his tongue in reply, but left.

"Hey, bro-bro!" Mabel yelled, causing Dipper to yell. She laughed at the girlish yelp he reacted with.

"Mabel! Don't do that," Dipper chastised.

"Just here to tell you your shift's over," Mabel leaned towards him, "now get ready for a hot date with a hot blond."

Dipper blushed, "Don't say things like that."

Mabel laughed, "Go get 'em, tiger," she said, slapping his butt as he walked away, causing his blush to deepen. "I am an awesome matchmaker," Mabel proudly said when Dipper was out of hearing range. She turned to face the crowd, "Now, who needs a hot lover?"

* * *

Dipper entered the fancy restaurant nervous. He hadn't been to a place so ostentatious in, well, ever! He looked around suspiciously, the place was empty. He had heard that really rich people (Pacifica) could only rent the place out months in advance. Maybe that was why Gideon had pressured him to doing that day.

"Welcome, Master Dipper," a gaudy waiter said to him, "I shall guide you to Master Gideon's table."

Dipper jumped at the sudden noise, "Uh, o-ok, but you can, uh, stop calling me master."

"I am afraid I cannot Master Dipper, it is against restaurant policy," the waiter said, elegantly guiding him to the table where Gideon sat.

"Hi, sugar plum, I hope you like the restaurant. I reserved it just for us," Gideon said, smiling at his boyfriend.

"Gideon, you didn't have to go all out like this," Dipper said, feeling a bit uncomfortable when the waiter pushed his chair closer to the table.

Gideon giggled, "Well, of course I did! Only the best for my sweet marshmallow."

Dipper smiled, although Gideon was over-the-top, it was endearing how he truly gave his all for who he loved, "Alright, they have good food here, don't they?"

"Why of course! This is a five star restaurant, after all," Gideon said, lighting up at his partner's smile, "like I said before, only the best for my marshmallow."

Dipper chuckled, "Ok, ok, but you said you wanted to talk to me."

"Yes, I did," Gideon fidgeted nervously, surpising Dipper, "I reckon you know how I feel about Bill?"

Dipper nodded, he could figure out what came next, but he wanted to hear it for himself, "You hardly keep it a secret." Damn, that was way sharper than he intended.

Gideon was unfazed by the harsh words, "Well, I'd love if you could get him out of the picture."

Dipper sighed, yep, just what he expected, "Gideon, I love you, but you know I can't do that. I love Bill too much to just get rid of him."

Gideon frowned, "But he's gettin' in the way-" he stopped, he said too much.

Dipper raised an eyebrow, "What was that?"

"Nothin', nothing', they sure are takin' a long time gettin' our food out," Gideon said, desperately trying to change the subject.

"Why do you want to get rid of Bill?" Dipper said.

"I just, I, I don't wanna share you with anyone!" Gideon admitted, knowing the scrutinous Dipper would get it out of him if he didn't outright say it.

Dipper smiled slightly, although he was troubled, "I appreciate the sentiment, but if you can't accept both me and Bill, then I'm afraid we'll have to break up."

The words resounded in Gideon's ears. He didn't want to go through that pain again. Beginning a new cycle of revenge was out of the question. The only way to keep his love would be to reconcile with Bill. He really didn't want to, but. . . Gideon sighed, the things he'd do for love.

* * *

 **Q: well, I got an idea that doesn't involve Homestuck. Now, we're doing Gravity Falls which is like the best show ever. At least to me. Y'know at first it was gonna be a one-shot then I got kinda lazy so... This'll be pretty short, chapter-wise, but, as always, I hope you enjoy it.**


	2. Chapter 2

Bill laughed, the date between Pine Tree and Gideon had gone great! For him, anyway. A breakup! It was _perfect_. Now, he had Pine Tree all to himself. No more li'l Gideon getting in the way. He would cherish the moment of their breakup for years to come.

. . . At least he would if Dipper wasn't down in the dumps like he had been since the two broke up. Why? _Why?_ Dipper had Bill. Bill was great (at least Bill thought so)! But nooooo! Dipper had to be upset about it! To make things worse Gideon was actually to get along with him. It was driving Bill insane! He had started to avoid the kid. _Bill_ , a literal demon, was _avoiding_ a human. Worse, the human was making him crazy. Again, he was a literal _demon_. He did the crazy, not the other way around.

Dipper sighed, pulling Bill from his internal monologue, "I don't know, Bill, I don't think I should've just broken up with him."

Bill frowned, "Of course it was good, kid! You got one less person to be bothered by."

"Unfortunately, it was the less annoying one," Dipper muttered, hoping Bill couldn't hear him.

Bill scowled, he was getting annoyed, "Pine Tree, don't be like that. I'm better then that selfish meat sack any day."

Dipper turned to look at him, "That's what I mean! You think he's awful, he thinks your awful! You two are constantly at each other's throats. I hate it! I'm not asking you to have to actually like each other, just get along!" Dipper sighed, again, "I just want to go on a date with both of you, instead of having only one of you. I- why am I even telling you this? It's not like you actually care!" Dipper yelled.

"Woah, there, Pine Tree. I care about you," Bill quickly said, surprised by the sudden shouting.

Dipper scoffed, "Yeah, right. You even said you hated him!"

"I didn't say I _hated_ him," Bill said, realizing it was a rather sorry defense.

"Whatever, just go," Dipper said.

"Wait, Dipper, we can work this out," Bill said. Calling him Dipper instead of Pine Tree would get his attention, Bill hardly called him that. At least he hoped it would.

"I am sick of hearing your excuses! Get out and don't come back," Dipper yelled, pointing to the door.

"Wait, wait, are you. . . breaking up with me?" Bill asked, distressed.

"Yeah, I guess I am," Dipper turned towards the window, he noted the hole from when he and Mabel had played golf was still there. He should probably tell her about all this.

Bill, frowning, and already scheming, flashed out of the room and into the mindscape, away from the confusing human emotions running around the old attic.

Almost immediately afterwards, Mabel entered, "What's up, Dipper? I heard yelling," she said, softly.

"It's nothing Mabel," Dipper replied, turning around and flopping on the bed.

Mabel went over and sat by him, "Really, you seem, sad. You wanna go out hunting for magicky stuff like usual?"

Dipper curled on the bed facing the wall, "I just want to be left alone for a while."

Mabel frowned, her fears had come true. There was a breakup. A bad one, too, from the looks of it. She had decided, she would fix it, or her reputation as a matchmaker was wrong. Nah, it wasn't wrong, she just needed to help them work this rough patch. They'll get back together and live happily ever after. Probably.

After leaving Dipper to his sulking, she made a plan. It was foolproof.

 _Step 1: Get Bill and Gideon to meet._

 _Step 2: Get them to be friends._

 _Step 3: Get them to see Dipper._

Mabel smiled, yep, it was foolproof. Time for the first step. She called Gideon, although she really didn't want to. He still gave her the creeps sometimes, despite his old crush on her being gone. Summoning Bill from the mindscape was more complicated, but nothing she couldn't handle. She had done it many times before (Dipper blamed that weird demon romance phase she had). Sure, it would be a little awkward considering all their shared history (read: Dipper) but she could do it, no problem.

The two entered the Mystery Shack's living room, if it could be called that, at almost the same time.

"Shooting Star, we've gone over this, demons don't fall in love the way you meat sacks do," Bill sighed, not bothering to ask why she had summoned him.

"Is it true? Does my sweet candy drop really want me back?" Gideon said, slamming open the door and rushing to Mabel, "Is it Mabel? And may I say, you look lovely today," he winked.

Mabel fought the shivers down her spine, yep, still a little creepy, "I'm gonna teach you to share Dipper!"

Gideon then realized Bill was in the room, earning a resounding "what?!" from him and Bill both, followed by the pair glaring at each other.

"I'm leaving," Gideon said, storming out.

"Me too," Bill said, flashing out.

Mabel frowned, ok, this may be a little harder than she thought. Next time, she'd force them to talk it out. For Dipper's sake. Not because she wanted to torture the pair for hurting her best friend/twin brother.

* * *

 **Q: miracle of miracles, I've updated on the same day for two weeks instead of some random time. Maybe it'll happen again. Who knows. Also, a very ambiguous time skip happened towards the beginning. Personally, I like the thought of a slightly protective Mabel not wanting her brother to get hurt (and vice versa) so that's a thing.**


	3. Chapter 3

Mabel was so close to ringing Dipper's neck. He hadn't left his part of the attic, in a week. A week. He stunk! Literally! He was supposed to be over them by now. Or at least able to go out mystery hunting or whatever he and Grunkle Ford did on the weekends. In other news, Mabel was getting Gideon and Bill closer together. They could now be in the same room for more than a minute! Now that was progress! Speaking of, she had a meeting with them soon. Mabel left Dipper to his sulking, silently thanking God for the smell not seeping through the door.

Going to Greasy's Diner, she met the two there.

"What's on today's agenda, Shooting Star?" Bill asked, already tired of the meeting. He didn't really see the point of them, why not just let Dipper deal with the constant bickering? Humans were so weird. Helping each other even if they didn't get anything. Those mood swimgs. Sex. . . Ok, sex wasn't that bad.

Mabel sighed, "You need to talk to Dipper."

This got their attention, "Whad'ya mean, Mabel?" Gideon asked.

"He hasn't been out of his room all week. He didn't even want to go mystery hunting with Grunkle Ford!"

Bill laughed, "Ah, yeah, 'ol Sixer was fun to mess with. One of the smarter humans I've met."

Gideon however, had a surprisingly large smile, "It worked," he whispered.

The two eyed him suspiciously, Bill wondering about the comment, Mabel about the creepy smile, "What was that, Gleeful?"

"Erm, nothin'. When will I see my sweet marshmallow, again? I reckon it'll be soon," Gideon said, quickly trying to change the subject, hoping to charm them into believing him.

"Gideon," Mabel said, a frightening edge to her voice.

Gideon sighed, "I, I may have used a, um, love potion on 'im and maybe some, uh, mood changing magic."

"Gideon!" Mabel yelled, lunging at him, giving a good slap before Bill pulled her off.

"Woah, woah, Mabel. A love potion is a pretty easy fix for me," Bill said, smugly.

"What?" Both characters exclaimed.

Bill's smile widened, "Yeah, potions mess with your head not with what you meat sacks call a heart."

"Wait, what?" A surprised Mabel asked, "So, so, Robbie and Tambry. . ." She realized they were staring at her, "never mind."

"I'll take care of it, real quick," Bill snapped his fingers and disappeared.

Almost as quickly as Bill disappeared he reappeared, an angry Dipper slamming the door open and storming his way to the table where the trio was seated. "I can't believe you!" He yelled.

"What'r'ya talkin' about, sugar plum?" Gideon worriedly asked.

"You know exactly what I mean! A love potion, seriously?! I was stupid enough to believe you had changed! You know what, it's over! I never want to see you again!" Dipper practically screamed.

Bill snickered, this was great.

"And you!" Dipper's anger changed targets, going to Bill, "That potion was clouding my mind completely! You're a demon! You never actually cared about me! I was just a play thing for you! You know what! I'm done with both of you!" He sniffed the air, "ew, is that me? I'm gonna take a shower." He left the diner, holding his nose.

"What just happened?" Bill asked, after an awkward moment of silence passed.

"I think we were just broken up with," Gideon said, dumbfounded, "Mabel-" he stopped himself after realizing Mabel was gone.

Said girl was running after her brother, "Hey, hey, Dipper, don't make any hasty decisions. Besides the showering, you really do stink."

Dipper sighed, "I dunno. I still love the two of them, like it wasn't just the effects of a love potion. Maybe you're right, but after all that happened I can't just trust them again."

Mabel stopped, letting Dipper get ahead of her, "Time to bring out the big guns." She put on a camo soldiers helmet, time to get her brother's love(s) back with him. Even if both of them were giant dumb idiots. Slamming open the door to Greasy's diner, she was ready to give the two what was coming to them. . . only to find they were gone. She had to get them together, the question was how? And where were they? Gideon was probably moping, planning revenge, or both. Yeah, probably both. Bill was. . . Bill. Who knew where he was. Didn't Dipper have some physic hotline to him or something? Mabel shrugged, she could figure that out later. First, she had to setup something. It was time for Mabel's relationship bootcamp! (Also known as plan B.)

* * *

 **Q: yeah, I'm a week and a day late on this update. I blame homework. I'm also probably pushing the K+ boundary, but oh well. This also might be longer than I thought it would be. *shrugs* only time will tell.**


	4. Chapter 4

Dipper sighed, Mabel had interrupted his reaserch of demons (Bill) and their interactions (mostly their version of romance (it involved possession)), and was dragging him to a room. where was this room? Honestly, Dipper didn't know. It was somewhere in the Mystery Shack, but where, he didn't know. He should take more time to explore the Mystery Shack, after the incident with the wax figures, he should've thought of it a long time ago.

Bill was summoned to a room in the Mystery Shack and was surrounded by curtains. This confused him greatly. Not that he could do anything about it, Shooting Star had offered a deal, one he couldn't refuse. Well, he could, but that wouldn't anyone, least of all him.

Gideon sighed, he had ruined it. His chance of love had left him. Mabel had offered a solution which, normally, Gideon wouldn't put stock in, but he was desperate. And desperate times called for desperate measures. So, he went. A curtain seperated the sides of the room.

Mabel smiled, her plan was blooming nicely. She pulled the curtains and ran out, locking the door on her way out. She texted Candy, telling her to lock the other door. The locks clicked almost simultaneously, as the horrified inhabitants quickly went to them (minus Bill, who found out he couldn't flee to the mindscape). After some banging, the group realized attempting to leave was futile. An awkward silence entered the room. It lasted too long. Mabel opened up a slit in one of the doors, "I'm not letting you out until you make up," she said, narrowing her eyes to intimidate at least one of them (probably Dipper). She closed the slit, hoping her scare tactic worked.

Dipper sighed, "I guess we have to talk this out." Admittedly, he was the most reluctant of the trio to re-enter a relationship.

"I'm- I'm sorry, Dipper, I really didn't mean ta hurt ya," Gideon said, taking the initiative.

"I'd love to believe you, but I don't know if I can. . ." Dipper replied, sympathy in his eyes.

"Please, I'll do anything," Gideon begged, glad no one was around to witness his embarrassing reaction.

"Well. . ." Dipper said, a mischevious smirk on his face, "anything, you say?"

"Yes, anything," Gideon really didn't like where this was going, but, again, he was desperate, and if he had learned anything from Dipper, it was that he couldn't force someone to love him. So, instead, he pretty much did whatever his lover asked. That was better, right?

Dipper was glad that Gideon readily agreed, even though he already knew that he would, "You remember the Lamby-Lamby dance, don't you?"

"Y-yes," Gideon nervously stuttered. This was not going in a good direction. Even though Dipper looked adorable doing it, he couldn't stop himself from laughing at how ridiculous watching a 19 year-old boy dance in a lamb costume.

"When we get out of here, you need to do it. While I'm recording you," Dipper said, smile widening.

Bill stifled a laugh, "I like the way you think kid."

"Don't you have anything to say?" Gideon asked. Well, more like ordered.

Bill rolled his eye, "Why should I apologize? I haven't done anything wrong."

Both boys gave him a doubtful look, "You possessed me on multiple occasions," Dipper said.

"You ruined a lot a our deals," Gideon said, earning an incredulous look from Dipper, "don't worry, they were all about our relationship."

"That makes me worry more," Dipper replied, "You tried to take over the world that one time."

"You made Ghost Eyes go crazy," Gideon said, sniffling.

Mabel opened the slit, "You ruined our birthday."

"You're volatile enough that you almost destroyed Gravity Falls."

Bill shot his hands up in defense, "Ok, ok, so I messed up a few times."

"Those were all planned," the others accused.

Bill rolled his eye, "That was all in the past, we got the rest of eternity! Besides, I haven't done anything since we started dating."

Dipper opened his mouth, only to close it again, "That's true. . . but it will take a long time, before you earn my trust again."

Bill smiled, "Like I said, we got eternity!" He took advantage of Dipper's ungaurded state and planted a kiss on his lips, causing the human boy to stutter.

"Hey!" Gideon said,"I wanted to do that!" He then kissed Dipper, also on the lips, causing him to turn the color of a tomato.

Mabel giggled, "I'll leave you alone," she closed the slit, her footsteps fading away.

Dipper chuckled, "Let's take this somewhere else," he took the hands of his lovers, ready to leave the room. Hands still grasped, Gideon tried to opem the door, which was still locked.

"Mabel!"

* * *

 **Q: so the last chapter of our saga appears. Well, sort of. I might write some "special" chapters highlighting how theor relationship began, and maybe some specials based on different holidays, but what do you guys think? Thanks for reading!**


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